Saturday, August 2, 2014

They were filled with tears but still sparkling like stars.

I was able to find her in the bar which is next to the flower boutique. She was alone and having a drink while sitting on a stool. She is still gorgeous.  I couldn’t stay without glancing at her since I saw her. Perhaps she saw me.  She looks pretty same as before. Her shoulders are exposed widely from the sleeveless frock that she wore.  I could see her half naked legs as she keeps her legs on that high stool’s spindle. I thought to myself, if I could talk to her right there. But I couldn’t move myself. I am stuck. She talked with few friends and smiled. Only thing I did was looking at her for the whole time. Still I got the flower bouquet which I bought from boutique. I didn’t count the time since I saw her. Suddenly... She was about to leave and hugged her friends. She went outside and got in to a taxi. I followed the taxi for her home. After seven years I am going through this little down town again. Warm breeze was blowing with jasmine against me since I left opened the side glasses. 
I remembered one summer we were coming from the restaurant. She was next to me in my car and ran her hand through my hair while leaning on to my shoulders. 
Her taxi stopped near by an apartment. She paid the taxi and ready to leave for her apartment. I stopped my car right there and got down. She just turned around to look at me. I went to her.  She didn’t talk, just stared at me. That silent moment nearly killed me. So… I was waking up my breaking voice.

“So…you live here?”

“Yes …here…. I live…and the place you asked me to leave from your life forever”

I almost forgot everything in front of her. Certainly, this was the little apartment once gave us warm shelter for five years. But it was just seven years back. I got nothing to say. She was damn right about that. She just gave a quick glance at the flower bouquet which in my hand. And she looks up for starry sky with a deep sigh.

“I…I …I was just passing this town for some business matter, so thought to stop nearby and  ...m..m.. …to see you.”

She didn't speak anything...I continued. 

 “I didn’t know really, you were in the restaurant...but I went your friend Lisa’s home in the evening. She told me that you were still in here and…most of the nights…you were in the restaurant”

She nodded.

“I’m…I’m…really  sorry Giana”.

I took few more steps to her; I could feel the deep smell of alcohol with her favorite perfume coming from her. That smell inspired me.  My hands were shivering with the flower bouquet. My legs were almost frozen. I extended my shaking hand with the daisy flower bouquet toward to her. She just tilted her head down and then turned toward to the door. Then she opened the door and stopped for a while…

vuoi  entrare?” (you come in?)

She left the door opened and went in. I just followed her. This little apartment is still same. I felt the warmness as seven years back. She has not changed anything. All the pictures, furniture, just as once they were. She played “Mina Mazzini’s” music and went inside. I stood for a while looking around and sat on the couch. Still my flower bouquet is in my hands. I just kept it on the coffee table. She removed her high heels and came, it’s almost 11.00pm. Door is still being opened. I looked at her eyes. They were sparkling. I spoke then…

“What do you do now?”

“I work in a medical center here in Polla”

“Where is your father now?” he was the one only close person she had.

With a sigh she told “He died two years back”

“I’m sorry” she just nodded her head. Again the killing silent between us. Only the music that playing. I inhaled a deep breath.

“So…you live here alone?”

“Yes…since my father died” then she looked at my flower bouquet which is still on the coffee table and turned her head back. 

“ Is Lisa still your friend …mmm?” I merely asked that, just to keep talking with her. I don’t know what to say to her. I really feel so sad about her and our love.

“Yes…she is” she answered shortly, only for my question. She didn’t question about me. I feel so uncomfortable. It proved me how guilty I am. If she shouted at me, it makes me happy. If she blamed on me, over everything that I did, it makes me happy. If she asked me to get lost right now, I’m happy. She still stays silent as always.

“Giana…are you…m...m…drunk all the nights, like this?”

She just wrinkled her bottom lip. I know it’s a wrong question. Why I asked about her, after I asked her to leave my life forever? I really felt that what a clown I am. I really wanted to talk with her nicely, and say that I want her back, and still I love her really. But she stays like a woman who doesn’t have any sense of feeling. Then I stood up.

“Giana…I must go now, it’s really happy to see you today” and I walked toward to door step.

It’s playing “il cielo in una stanza” on the Player. That song shocked me like a thunder in my brain. It reminds me, how I met her and danced with her for the very first time in a friend’s party, It reminds everything about her and me. It was like in a movie. I turned back and looked at her.  Her frock was loosened and one sleeve is hanging on her elbow. Her whole shoulder was almost exposed. She slightly leaned to the wall and giving her all weight on that. She just glanced at me. 
Why I left this sweet wife? Why I was so cruel to her? I thought to myself. Since I left her, my life was never being right. It always went right to my grave. But how can I tell this to her… now? How can I tell that I came here to  Polla all the way from Milan, just for her and to spend rest of my life with her. 

I looked at the road from the door step. I could see the street lamps and no one on the road; it is filled up only with emptiness. I turned back & met her eyes. They were filled with tears but still sparkling like stars. 

By Manu Fernando.                     
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