Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Love Letters

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Love Letter 1

Dear J ,


 This is just insane, I want you always. Female brain is weird, the more I know that you are not around the more I want you. Why do I want you? For nothing. Seriously! Absolutely for nothing!  May be I am obsessed by you. Why am I desperate for you? I am not ashamed to tell my feelings, I am seriously love sick! I attack you in my mind when I don't see you in skype, I am like a watch dog here on alert to track you! They say you should not tell a man what you really feel because it would create a bad impression on you and they are likely to reject you! I dont'care. I want you now even if you don't want me now. It is so odd I love you like a man, my darling.


I forgot to say , you are so beautiful when you sleep, but you don't sleep well, I can say it from the way you sleep.  I like to to watch you sleep and I spend the whole night looking at you. When you are not around, I can sleep like crazy, not even bomb explosions can wake me up. To feel someone next to me, on the same bed is a different feeling. I think I should grow up & it is high time to sleep with a real bear! Are girls horrible to sleep with? Can we sleep in a twin bed if I trouble you at night? Gosh, but I will crawl up to your bed night! Keep the guns with you, so you can shoot when I try to come. 


Orelse, we can have two rooms one day, so if someone wants to see the other, we can knock on the door, tok tok can you open the door please? In the middle of the night! When I want I can lock the door because sometimes I get angry with you. I am sure you will come to bang the door! I will look at you from the key hole  and you will be looking at me too! So  when our eyes  meet, we both will feel sad  and then will come to agreement to open the door. I think it is a brilliant idea, don't you think so?


OK, then Jelly bean, I should not  vex your eyes too much by writing too much.


I just wanted to say that I miss you. See you soon my bumble bee.


Love & Kisses,

Yours, 

♥ Crazy J ♥

Love Letter 2


Dear J,

Oh, I can't sleep, I miss you baby. My bear is not enough to hold tonight.


If you come Online before you go to bed, call me. I dnt know, I have the same things to tell, like I miss you, I want you, I want to hold you. February has 28 days. So it's not big a month. You are coming in March then you go again, my heart should have a button to press, switch on now , switch off now. If not I am in a hell because I damn miss you for no specific reason or for all the reasons in the world. Terrible it may sound, but it's the truth. The other day, I tried to walk like you, you don't know I walk like you now, carrying my stupid backpack in the town, every step I walk, I try to feel you. It is funny too, to walk like a man with an attitude! No one gives a shit, do I sound like you?


These days, I go to park, an isolated park close to Granettes, I have my picnics alone, I don't like anyone disturbing them with their talks  because I talk to you, I tell you everything in my childhood as if it has a lot of value! Oneday, I might laugh at myself, but I love present, the present moment of Love & its madness. 


You should take care, I know you would because you have always taken care of yourself all your life, even before you know me, but its just a reminder, because if you die so young, my heart will die so young too. I won't die, I am that much wretched, this earth decides to keep me more & more to watch my dramas.


Sleep tight My Lord J  & I am not angry with you because you are my baby. I always forgive little Jean too because his name starts with a J . When I asked him what he wants do before he dies, he said he wanted to play! play what? Pokemon! As if he never plays it. I give him incense sticks and we play smoking magic baguettes.


Back to you, your moustache is great, I looked at some moustaches online too. Then, I looked myself  in the mirror to find that I also have a moustache! I immediately shaved it. Yeah I do have one , you have to believe. By the way, next time I will bake you a cake that looks like a moustache, a dark moustache shaped chocolate cake!


OK, I should sleep now if not I won't be able to wake up tomorrow morning. Well, it is like you are going to die for one month, Yeah but it is fine, I will live a normal life as if I don't know you at all because more I think the more suffering comes, you don't know how women think, it's terrible the way how women think. Sleep tight now, I think I put you to bed so many times, I am going to watch you sleep like the last time,


Good night my Sugar Pie, Take care always!


Yours


♥ Silly J ♥


Love Letter 3
Dear J,

After two shameless sms on my feelings for you and two horrible videos on food just to get your attention, I renounce, I give up , I succumb , I want to write how I feel tonight.


I also feel that I am trapping you to my net, like one catch a fish and get a sadistic pleasure.


I am so ashamed of my behaviour today that I could not stop ringing you perfectly knowing you were busy.


Believe me, it won't last forever, I am such an ardent lover at first, I will have love gushing in my veins like torrents until it creates a violent storm, it will come destroying everything to bits and pieces  until it flushes away, clears away the shores and then gone gone gone, and I will be like a deep sea so calm no one can ever wake me up from my deep sleep. Does this scare you?


It is good you are gone away, go so far way my tiger, because I am dangerous I want to own, to possesses, to hypnotise, to mystify. I don't know why I am so extreme either I own or I give up completely. I don't float in between, either I love, either I hate.


I am so sad that I cannot love moderately that is why I try to stay away from falling love. Perhaps, I should read more Buddhist books on non-attachment, that is the only way to calm me down.


For the moment I love you, I don't complicate things, I did not ask much details about you, about your past  because they are not important to me.  I don't even ask the question whether you love me or not because it is I who love you, it is I who decide to Love.


I am sad because I have already cried from the pain of separation, as if you are going to die!  I will miss you when you are gone for missions.


You can even cheat me easily because I believe everything you say, even if I feel it is such a retarded lie, that is how I am. It is so so easy to cheat on me because I never think rationally, I don't have a brain , it is just a ball of flesh there!


Let me give you a tight kiss mon amant, do not forget to write me some words if you love me, I expect them so badly, I am sorry I want to hear it often so badly.


I love you tonight.


Yours


♥ Intense J ♥

Love Letter 4
Dear J,

I can only stay three days without talking to you, then I collapse again, pride or whatever you call it , I make myself so busy ,but some times lapses are there, those lapses are like hell sometimes, now I came from swimming, had lunch, have to go back to city, till then I miss you, I need a kiss, for a KISS, I write to you knowing you are not here, OK here is a kiss, just a word, Kiss, it can be bliss, tiss, piss, chiss, giss diss, riss, liss, niss, wiss, qiss, ziss, fiss, hiss, viss, xiss, miss.

Well, I am not that sad but I miss you, lets say I miss you 8 out of10, other 2, I am fine. miss you for just missing, now when I type, I can see you on my bed just lying and looking at me, and then sometimes I look back , make a face at you and then type again . Sometimes, I give you a slutty look and then turn back to the computer, But, I don't have you there, just a bear, a lifeless bear. This huge bear laughs at me " Ha ha ha" & requests to cuddle him, I say "No way, get lost". Then, he also becomes so sad like me. We both miss you badly. Since bear is all alone I gave him a another baby Boo with music, then they play together! Now, I am left out from their games & have enough time to write to you.

I was thinking how much I want you. I want you 16 hrs per day ( I know it is not a lot) because the rest of the time I sleep & you are with me in my dreams. Oh, the beautiful dreams for eight hours! From the moment I wakeup I start missing you, life becomes a hell, aburning hell . Then, I want to go to an  eternal sleep with you.
I think I am quite bad at maths, so the calculations I made are not really accurate, so I might be missing you more. Who knows, I rarely wear a watch.

OK, my cute cuddly bunny. I will write to you again when I am free. Till then, I send you a shower of kisses.

Have a bath!

Yours



♥ Bubbly J ♥


Love Letter 5

Dear J,

February is not over yet, it has 2 more days. Where are you? Last three days, I was really sick thinking about you, all the time under the blanket, please bring me tablets of love when you come.


Tragedy is when we are fully aware of the cause yet not taking any actions to prevent it. I am realizing it. Now, why did I write it?


You can't be dead, because you told me you would never die. I don't think anyone killed you, if you are dead, how am I going to find it out? Well, I can call your Dad to find out, but if you are not dead, you will hate me forever for telephoning him! How do they know, if you are dead or not?


If not I can directly call the army, you know a casual call, its not the end of the universe, someone asking whether a man is dead or not. But, French Army will ask millions of questions as if I am a spy, so better not. You should leave ur best friend's telephone number, so if I have enough courage I will ask him.


Well, it's pathetic what I write because I never thought you are dead, it's fun ha?


If I really thought that you are dead, would I ever write a love letter to you?


But then again, if you are dead, you are looking at me from the sky, playing the guitar, did you carry the guitar when you went to heaven? I am not really sure whether you are in heaven or hell, so I don't know where to contact. Heaven should be good for you, full of angels! Give me a list of the angels, I will organise a tea party for them, you know I am not violent, bitchy type, I love anyone you love, and who love you! So, I will organise a tea party for your female angels, am I that cool & generous? Yeah,  I convince them that I love you the most and they would just disappear!


Now I confessed my method that you woud not give me a list of your angels. I can  not hate anyone who loves you, what is wrong with me here? It is like you are Jesus and everyone should love you, did not I tell you looked like Jesus with your little smile? I did ha, that is why you are in heaven!


Well, the other day I kind of looked at Aix railway station when I passed that way hoping to meet you accidentally there! I don't know what to do if I meet you accidentally because I am not so lady like in other days, like a clochard , I even sit on the floor now, waiting for buses and read Direct Matin. I only look at the Horoscope page, whether the Love star is powerful or not! Then I eat peanuts thinking about you, peanuts! 


Ok you are not dead , conclusion is that. If you are on the death bed, please read this before you die and cry a bit because I have already cried thinking you were dead!


Good night & loads of oxygen.


Yours


♥ Worried J ♥

Love Letter 6

Dear J, 

After having deleted your mobile number, your messages, your photos, your e-mails every single word that reminds me of you, I felt so empty today.

After having promised to myself thousand times, even though thousand is just an imaginary number, that I would never write to you again, knowing you would not reply me, I started to write to you again shamelessly. 

I don't write to impress you, not to win sympathy, not to complain, not to appreciate, I just write to tell things as how I feel. I don't mind whether they are total confessions of insanity.

But, I am enraged when you don't reply to me, when you just ignore my love letters. But, then again if you reply to me always, I will not feel the same for you, perhaps I would be bored very soon, bored like Madame Bovary!

I don't know anything about you, whether you are a serial killer, a blood sucking vampire or just a monkey. I don't want to question each & every detail, because if I knew every thing, I would loose the interest. Let me find about you slowly, like one does a research project, I am hired, by you! But, I felt so comfortable with you always, perhaps we must have met in a previous birth, when you were a monkey, when I was a lady monkey, we might have had some fruits together, sitting on a mango tree, making strange noises and looking at each other, grinning & scratching heads. Now does this sound so romantic to you?

It just hurts me so badly when you did not turnup as promised the other day. I was kind of over excited about your visit, could not sleep a wink but was winking all the time & when it was cancelled in the last moment my whole world collapsed, I could not put myself together. I was in a rage to burn you at a stake, rip the flesh out from you , grind and make sausages or make spicy human flesh curry with burning chilli powder.

Oh God, but I have a stupid heart, I even laughed and talked with you as if nothing has happened when you called me.

"Yeah, it is all right,fine,fine,hugs! , Have a nice flight"

Yes, you are Forgiven with a capital F but I don't Forget things again with a capital F. I am a human tape recorder, I would use my tapes whenever I want to provide examples.I know it is so unfair to expect from you when you have such important things to do such as caring your knee or catch the flight. 

Now back to the present.
You, J, the intruder of my sleep, I should be sleeping by now but you come to my head often and it annoys me! Today, I wanted to tear your white tee-shirt and kiss all your tattoos on the chest! Then, scrub hard all your tattoos with my lips & make them disappear. 
Rub, Rub, Rub.
You, J, you are killing my sleep like in Mcbeth :

Sleep no more! J is murdering sleep.

Innocent sleep. Sleep that soothes away all my worries. 

Sleep that carries me to dream land of LOVE. 

Sleep that relieves the weary lover and heals hurt minds. 

Sleep, the main course in life’s feast, and the most nourishing.

Oh, poor sheep, you shall sleep no more!


With swollen eyes, I search for a paper among the piles of notes & books, a tiny piece of paper, a paper which I have written your number . In desperation, I crawl under the bed where lies the the treasures of the whole universe.

Yes! found!

Perhaps I call you tomorrow, I don't have a shame because you are mine & I take Great care of what is Mine.

Yours,

♥ Possessive J ♥


Love Letter 7

Dear J,

If you want to know why I want you, here is the explanation:

I want a man to love , because I can't love a woman even though I find some women so beautiful.       ( there is some logic in my speech right? ).  I want you as that man because you don't have a hysteria to get married in a rush and have children even though that hysteria is nice when we don't have any other thing to do in life!

If you DON'T like to love, to kiss , to hug, to laugh, to sleep with me, to cuddle, to read with me, to search waterfalls, to go to nature resorts, to look at sea, to spend the night in caves, to listen to birds, to watch animals in the forests, to find rare plants, to find insects, to love trees & to find their names, to bathe in the lakes, to make love in water, to hide in tea plantations, to have picnics in the woods, to experiment international food at home, to light fragrant candles inside the house, to drink fruit juice, to listen to Sitar & Tabla, to watch Mr.Bean & all the comic films, to eat spicy food, to drink water all the time, to give me oil massages, to teach me new things without criticising me, to leave me alone when I read, to be natural & easy to talk to, to share your real feelings, to make mistakes & confess, to forgive & forget, to find the meaning of life while not being a hermit, to accept women are not so strong as men even though they appear ;
you are NOT the best pick for me.You can choose whoever you want and I can too.

I wrote to you this because I can do these things only by myself, but with two people it could be more interesting, specially with someone less complicated as I assume.

Hobbies are meant for individuals, a way of enjoying life when we are single, when they are two people of opposite sex, the hobby becomes the person, to love is also a hobby, tiresome but an awesome hobby.

Lately, I wrote you very unbearable emotional love letters, but I wrote what I actually felt for you. I am responsible for what I wrote and eventually the consequences.

When you are around, I am super inspired, my eyes beam, skin glows, sweat flows, heart beats,  when you are not around also, I function, but in a different way, kind of melancholic. I did not write that I die when you are not around because I did not die even though I nearly died ! But they are just simple matters of heart that should not be taken so seriously.

It was so  nice to hear when you said you do love me and you think about me! 

Thank you for the romantic  mail.

Yours

♥ Adorable J ♥


Love Letter 8
Dear J,

From the moment I woke up, my inner voice started its daily dose of conversation & it said I did not write you for so long.


Now, that you don't seem to be alive, I am converting my love for love to love for food.


I looked at photos on Face book. Women posting photos of breakfasts in hotels. I wondered seriously what was so luxurious about eating bread with jam & butter. These hotels fellows will give you hundred varieties of jams and you may even  take home the whole bottle of jam with you in the hand bag, but still it is not worth the price. They pay full board price to stay in Relais & Chateaux, just to eat jam, five star breakfast! 

I pampered myself looking at the dried up toast coated with so lame like jam & butter because I get to eat five star breakfast every day then, eventhough I loathed the idea of eating sugar stuff in the morning. Now, that my taste buds have dried up, assuming grass is also divine when cooked properly,that  I can only enjoy authentic spicy foods from Internet psychos who post food photos, I imagined how may I scold those waiters in a hotel, eventhough I would not never dare to scold anyone verbally.

"Give me something cooked for Godsake because it shows you have put an effort to cook something for the price we pay!"


 I also imagined my darling is beside me nodding his head with a sweet approval. I might continue:


 " Show me the kitchen, I will look up the Internet, find a recipe, find the bloody ingredients  & cook something for my darling , while you waiters can go & relax with him. Yes, we paid to cook."


Well, I thought it is such a noble thought that My darling will like a lot what I said because I don't like to give him jam , stored for ages in the fridge. He might also think what a great lady she is to feed him something every morning with a cooked stuff, that he should give her more kisses. Having said that I read somewhere which I can' t find the article to prove that jam can also be good for breakfast sometimes, when getting up from the bed is a sin, especially, if you had a tiresome night.


During lunch time also, I thought about you. I cooked awesome chicken , spicy, tasty, crunchy chicken perfectly knowing that you are not there to have lunch with me. Then , I got angry and ate all the bones, I am sure, the chick must have got so hurt!


Dinner, no, I am on a diet, except for a midnight snack because I miss you! 


Anyways, I am preparing to go for an international food forum where they teach new recipes so that I can learn and make them for you, one day!


Hope you would get so hungry by reading this & would come running to me, crying:

"Give me fooddddd, darling"

Till then,


Yours,


♥ learning-to-be-a chef  J ♥

Love Letter 9

Dear J,

You know darling, I analyse you, your heart without you telling me a single thing about you. I came across many interesting but weird things which make you someone like this today. You are great and good, but you try to destroy things, hurt people who love you. I don't want to  change a single thing in you ( that's the common phrase!)  I just tell you things because I only like to see the beautiful person in you, who is hiding all the time because of cruelty. I want you to come up with your talents, a singer, a linguist or whoever, you never tell me your dreams, you don't ask me what I can do for you, because you don't know that I would be there to make your dreams come true. 


Instead, you prefer to stay silent and make me beg infront of you.( Did I ? )  We don't live million years. At 80, if I can't think of the good things I did, the good memories I gave to people, the good memories they gave me back, I will be a total failure.


I am not blindly in love, I love you with eyes open, to see the drama, to see how you treat me. I believe in love, even if hundred guys ignore me and treat me as sick, I will always believe in love.


Love to heal your soul, love NOT me, love someone else if you wish, express yourself, my Darling...


By the way,


I am building a beautiful house for both of us in the mountains, eventhough  you didn't mention that you would stay with me there.  I have already designed our house with an orange coloured cozy living room for reading, full of flowers, a separate area for you to practice guitar( you decide the colour, it's black? ) , blue coloured guest room for friends, a green coloured kitchen for our food fantasies, pink coloured bathroom with trees, a red coloured bed room with candles!  It is the greatest architectural failure ever, but still it is my house, our house, we will rock!


Coming back to you,  why are you trying to be rare? Why do you want me to suffer by not contacting me regularly? I always justified you thinking it was your job. No, It's not your JOB, it's a stupid excuse you created, its not your job it's You. It is hurting you what I say but I miss u damnly.


Let me flatter you a bit. With your curls coming back, you are getting hotter and hotter. But, it's not the looks that count my baby. When you are 60, you will loose your set of teeth and then when you kiss they will fall too! Think.


I would be glad to see your real soul. It needs effort, go for it if you want to be happy & then if you want to be happy with me & then If I am to be happy with you.


Yours


♥  Waiting-for-miracles J ♥


Love Letter 10


Dear J,

I am disappointed, totally disappointed. I thought to write you a one last letter with a request.


I have this request, a very little one. Please don't come to meet me again, send me any mails or answer my calls even if I tempt you to do so. My heart is slowly accepting that you don't love me, that I should not go after a man who does not love me back. You are right, absolutely right. I am being very irresponsible & crazy lately.  It really hurts & painful but after a while I think it would heal. 


When you say you are coming to meet me at the end of the month, hope of love is still there, and it tortures me, so it is better not to see you again in my life because it will shatter me again, to bits & pieces.


I don't understand why you preferred to make simple things in life so complicated & made me suffer just because I love you. Now, I understand that I am not the woman of your life & I can't do anything about it, sincerely I can't change myself.


I will write to you some nonsense for a while, you can ignore them as you do now. It will help me to release my pain.


I am deeply hurt because I tried to love  you even with out you asking for it, I enjoyed my love, it inspired me to write poetry, it was a beautiful feeling for me. But, may be we are not meant to be with each other. I don't believe in fate, I only believe in the ability of people to make a difference in their lives making an effort, from bad to good, even in Love.


Love should be steady, it is not like a part time job, I am not here to give you lessons on love, it should come within you. It is never forced, I wrote you many love letters yet you never replied to any of them. Yes, they are silly, they don't carry any serious meaning, yet they are so precious to me , so precious than my life. My love letters will stay with me, I won't burn them, others will read them too, so there is a memory of our love, somewhere in this world eventhough our love is not there any more.


I ask you not to come, because I know when I see you, I will forget everything & forgive you and then when you go away again, it is I who will have to suffer again & again because of your indifference. Therefore, You don't have to come to see me, let things pass. Time will allow me to forget you.


I sincerely wish that we would be lovers again but, I can't love alone and be a joker at the end of the day ( yeah, I take love bit seriously because I want it, I can't say that I don't want love from you , it is the truth)

There is a cycle for things, that you must have changed the plans in your life, I don't ask why
I stopped asking WHY to many questions &  your behaviour does not surprise me at all.

I don't like professional Good byes , I don't have courage for those things.


So yeah, baby, take care always.


That's all; I don't have to write everything.


Have a nice life.  


I don't wait for anyone, not even for YOU, again in my life. 


Good Bye my soft lover,


Yours


♥ Heart Broken J ♥
By Jahooli Devi
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