Time to say goodbye

It’s time to say goodbye to you. People can change, that’s obvious. I always accepted that truth.

I know how your feelings are.  Love and likes…those emotions always need freedom, I supposed… before love converts to the hate, before the likes convert to the dislikes, they need the freedom; I understand your necessity.

I never had hard feelings for you, though. It’s true…I really liked to stay with you. It’s not a lie. You always kept me alive; gave me a hope to go through. But, I knew that some day or another that I was going loose you. It was meant to be. But, I didn’t think it would come this soon.

After three hours of waiting, you came finally, for the last meeting.

We went inside a coffee shop.

You ordered burgers and coffee and we moved to a table. We sat side by side. It was so uncomfortable for me to sit that way. It was because, I could nott see your face directly.

Suddenly, it began to rain again. During the whole day, it was pouring and gloomy. I already got enough wet to catch a cold, while standing outside of the pavements of the shop waiting for you. This time it was a heavy shower. Nobody could not go in or out of the café. I kind of liked it because now , I can spend much time with you, at least for the one last time.  I just want to look at your face, but it’s so difficult to see your face sitting right next to you. I squeezed my own fingers and palm to be relaxed.

You began to blame the rain,

“You see…this miserable rain is not gonna stop, today...gosh…my whole day is going to be ruined”

But you don’t know that how much I love the rain, now. It’s sad.

A waitress brought the cheese burgers and hot coffee to the table, I didn’t feel any hunger or appetite to eat or drink.  You picked a burger instantly like a ravening wolf and began eat greedily. After having finished almost one burger… you asked me to eat too, while picking the second burger.

“Hey…don’t you eat? mmmmm…these burgers are amazing”

It made me pretty nervous and surprised. You were cursing the rain, while I was wishing the rain. You were tasting the burger, while I was refusing the burger.

I thought to myself, someone’s likes are someone’s dislikes. Someone’s dislikes are someone’s likes. Likes and dislikes are depending on the state of the mind of the poeple. If we are happy on the very same thing, we may never say good bye to each other!

“You gonna call me? After I leave here?”

“I don’t know, maybe, I love to do so…but sometimes my calls will make you uncomfortable”

“No…way…I’m always happy to stay in touch with you...You can call or Skype me...Whenever you want”

But, I know how you tried to ignore me for last few weeks, even when I tried to call or Skype,  you were ignoring my calls. But honestly…I’m ok with that, it’s because if I cannot make any happiness or comfort in your mind, what else you are hoping from me?

“Carla…Shall I come to drop you to the air port, tomorrow?”

“Oh…Thanks…how kind of you, Josh...?…But…Rico…will come tonight here, to pick me up from home, early in the morning...”

“Rico..?.”

“Oh…Yeah…you know?.... he is a good guy, one day you should meet him…he even found me a good place to stay there until I finish my studies”

I looked outside through the large glass window. Still… it’s raining outside. I really wanted to go outside and I wanted to get wet again. It’s fine to fall sick, it’s because I was sick anyway.

Again she broke the silence….

“Look Josh…I must go now…I got a lot to do for tomorrow…I must get ready”

“Mmmm..Yeah…yeah…you should” I spoke with a shaking voice.

“Eh…Anyway I call you…Josh…I call you from time to time…we can stay touch...You know?”

But, I knew for sure you would never call me. Both of us knew that it was a lie. You don’t have any reason to call me. But, you just wanted to tell me somethin, just to kill the silence.

She stood up...And I too…then you gave me a one last hug. That hug almost made me cry…Because I knew…it was the last. I didn’t want to let you go. You patted on my shoulder. I moved away from you. Then… Both of us went to the door step…it was still pouring outside.

“May be I should call a cab Josh…otherwise…I have to stay in this boring café for all day long”

She called a taxi cab near by the parking lot. Then, she said final “Goodbye” to me and left.

I really didn’t know what do next. So... I just came out from the café and walked along  the street, while everyone was laughing at me…

“Crazy man”


By Manu Fernando

Artichoke Hearts

Are you simply choked up because of your Artichoke heart?

Artichoke is a vegetable! 

How come a vegetable has a place in a literary blog?

There is an expression in French " avoir un cœur d'un artichaut" originates from the proverb " coeur d'artichaut, une feuille pour tout le monde" which can be directly translated to English as to have an artichoke heart, a leaf for everyone" 

This expression is used to refer to someone who falls in love very easily, who is very inconstant in love as well as who is ready to love anyone who comes across on his or her way. 

Sometimes, people use this with negative connotation to refer to someone who has a fickle mind. It is not same as Don Juans who constantly go after love, rather the Artichokes fall in love with several people because they never had a long term love affair even though they are all ready for that.

How do you know that you have an Artichoke heart?

As soon as you meet a man or a woman, you fall in love easily. ( You are at the dinner date, you have already imagined your wedding & perhaps trying to cook artichoke for your future husband!)

You always believe that you just found your soul mate. ( He or She is born for you, that God decided to send this angel to love you forever) 

Love is the only word that interests you & you constantly think about it. ( The day that the word LOVE ceases, you would die too, of course with your Artichoke! ) 

You have a lot of love failures in life because you love selflessly, without expecting any love in return. ( I love you because I love you, now, keep on telling that looking at the sky because the person you love is busy buying artichokes for his new girl friend)

Problems encountered by Artichokes:

She or He gives a little bit of love to everyone who shows at least a bit of interest in them ( As it it is his or her DUTY to love the world , voilà une feuille pour toi, mange! ( Here is a leaf for you, eat !)

But, most of the time , these artichokes love people who don't merit at least a rotten artichoke. It is their problem.  Therefore , they go through many deceptions in love, suffer always , complain about their over cooked hearts.

The tragedy with these vegetables is that the day they meet the real lover, who expects real love & care, they no longer have any leaves to offer them because everything was given to useless people.

Think about  your friends who are like Artichokes, they must be really tired by now.  The only advise, we can give them is to keep their vegetable heart in the freezer, so one day, they can offer it to someone who really wants to eat it.

By Jahooli Devi

Aimer

Ah, Aimer
Aimer pour aimer
Aimer pour rien
Aimer pour exister
exister pour rien

Ah, Aimer
Aimer sans savoir
si on est aimé
Aimer avec courage
avant qu'on parte en Voyage
Aimer avec l'espoir
que l'amour nous serve
un verre à boire

Ah, Aimer 
Aimer sans fatigue
essuyant la sueur
Aimer, chaque jour
sans attendre
même un moment

Ah, aimer
donner le cœur
à qui le blesse
donner, donner 
tout donner
pour aimer, sans compter
Aimer, Aimer, 
Toi, mon Amour
que pour l'Amour


By Jahooli Devi

When, I’m dreaming

This is for YOU....

When you fall asleep,

I’m dreaming to be the man next to you,

When you wake up,

I’m dreaming to be the man next to you,

When you're all drunk,

I’m dreaming to be the man next to you,

When you're all down,

I’m dreaming to be the man next to you,

When you've got nothing to loose,

I’m dreaming to be the man next to you,

When you go out,

I’m dreaming to be the man next to you,

When you walk along the streets,

I’m dreaming to be the man next to you,

When you come home having a hard day,

I’m dreaming to be the man next to you,

When I work hard,

I’m dreaming to do that work for you,

When I earned from work,

I’m dreaming to spend the every penny for you,

When I’m dreaming,

I’m dreaming to have such dreams of you,

When I’m lonely,

I’m dreaming to be the only man who is lonely without you,

When I’m growing old,

I’m dreaming to grow old, every second with you,

When you die,

I’m dreaming to be in the coffin right next to you.   

By Manu Fernando

How to get rid of Love failures?

You can have almost EVERYTHING in LIFE, if you work hard towards your goals, that degree, that job, that car, that house. But, you can't have EVERYONE in your Love Life because as simple as that, they are not things , but people.

People function differently, their hearts, their minds, their souls, their hopes & dreams. Therefore, we can't own another person unless that person is willing to be owned by us. 

It is a harsh truth we try to ignore, but at one point in life, we should accept the truth. If not our life will be a failure, even the person you loved so dearly might even laugh at your folly, calling you crazy. We should give our maximum to win their hearts, but we should not give our whole life. Your life is precious, your happiness should be important to you as it is important to your lover who ignores you. 

If someone rejects you, call them a Loser, because you don't lose anything from a person who does not love you, but they lose you, your love, your heart, your kisses, your smiles. Think, who is the loser? 

Don't be discouraged if your love life fails, the moment  that you let go one person who is not meant to you, there will be a hundred waiting to pour you with the showers of love which you were deprived for so long. 

Was not it LOVE you were expecting from that person? So, now you have it from a new person. You can't reject new love saying it is not same.  

How could love be different from one to another? It is same, Love is same, only people are different. 

The same phrase you used " I love you" is valid for another person. Don't be afraid to say that, if the next one in your list is eligible for that, open your heart, never be stubborn not to love again. You should always love more & more while keep on believing that LOVE exists.  The day you stop believing in love, you would only be a walking skeleton, therefore, you should love incessantly.

It takes a great courage to love , it is true . It takes an equally a great courage to stop loving someone who does not want you & start loving another person too. 

Love should not be wasted at any point, like a river, every drop should be used to water, the fields of love, for they would be greener with your experience in love & would definitely bear greater fruits, only if you are willing to accept the truth & embrace the change.

By Jahooli Devi

If I had that Dollar!

It was very surprising to see Jenifer’s name in the payroll of my company. At first, when I saw her name, I was amazed and thought it was a different Jenifer. But, when I saw her in front of me, I froze for a moment.....

It all began twenty years ago.

Richard was a rich boy in our school and Jenifer was his girlfriend. Richard came from a wealthy family and Jenifer came from a middle class family. But, I was the poorest fellow in the school had a very poor life with my mom and my brother.

My mother was a factory worker & my brother was at school too. Sometimes, we didn’t have anything to eat for the whole day. Many days, I used to drink water to prevent the hunger. We were poor that much. Richard helped my studies, though he was not so good at studies, he even gave me money sometimes. He always lived a luxury life with his other friends who had money. He went for clubbing with them. Jenifer also joined them, according to them, they were enjoying their life. But, I was totally away from those things as I concentrated my mind only for education, It was because mainly I didn’t have money to waste.

Like most of the days, I was drinking water to get rid of the hunger, when Jeniffer came towards me. I did not notice that she was looking at me. She handed over me two sandwiches with a Coke. I felt so embarrassed and I rejected. But, she touched my hand and told me :

“It’s OK, you eat this”

Then, I took the sandwiches and ate. She sat down by my side and smiled.

She began to speak.

“I have seen you many times, you only drink water. I've never seen you eating in the school cafeteria. I wanted to talk with you.”

So, days passed way and she helped me most of the times after that incident and of course Richard too.

One day, she came to me and cried a lot. She told me that she broke up with Richard and he left her for another rich girl. I felt very sorry about her. After that incident, she was with me most of the times. So day by day, we became very close.

One fine evening, Jenifer came to my home for the first time to give a notebook. I was not at home but my mother was. I noticed that my mother was upset, but she did not tell me the reason.

After having 7-8 months of friendship, I felt a strong feeling about her. Day by day, I ignored my studies too. Every night, I was dreaming about her, I didn’t do any school work. I wanted to be with her every second. I began to love her. One night, I thought to tell her my feelings about her.

On the very next morning, I met her as usual and l dared to confess my feelings to her. But, she rejected me so sadly. I couldn’t believe that, I asked the reasons, but she never told me. Finally, I thought to myself... “she rejected me, because of my poverty. She must have stayed with me closely,because she might wanted to forget her loneliness after Richard left her”. That was how I justified it.

I thought to myself, how miserable to be poor. I didn’t have enough money to spend as I wanted, I could not eat, what I want, I didn’t have a proper house to live, now I could not love the person I wanted. I felt that poverty is the most miserable thing in this world. I felt like commiting suicide. I didn’t have good friends to tell about this. I had to bear all this all alone. But, everything had a breaking point. I wanted to start a new life. Same times I got angry about Jennifer too.

In the next day of morning, when i was walking to the school, I saw a blind person, who was trying to cross the road. No one helped him, but there were a lot people around. Suddenly, I realized that, this blind man was trying to live without his eyes while I was trying to kill myself, due to my poverty. I felt so ashamed of me. I wanted to be rich, that was the only way to win this world and to get revenge from Jenifer too. Then, I went to the blind man and, helped him to cross the road. Thereafter, I dedicated my entire life to studies. I never talked to her again. She went away from me.

After the final exam, I won a scholarship to a university. Then, I lost all contacts of her. and her memories were fading in my mind. In the university, I was one of the brightest students. Meanwhile, my brother got a job too. After , the final exam at the university, I got many job opportunities. I got a good job and I could save some money too. By the time, I got a proposal for marriage. She was a doctor. After the marriage, I resigned from my job and formed my own company. It became sucessful day by day by day. I got two brilliant kids too.

After the blind man incident I was happy... until today. It was almost 20 years.

“I...I didn’t know you were working here, I just saw your name on the payroll, then only I knew about you. Why didn’t you talk to me?

“I didn’t know this place belongs to you till I came here, after I knew about that, I really wanted to go away. But I couldn’t, I came through many difficulties, it's very difficult to find a job out there”.

“Yeah I see… what happened Jennifer? I was really worrued about you”.

“After one year, I left the school, my father died and I had to go for a job. But, I couldn’t find a good job, I worked in several places. Eventually, I got married to a person; he was a drunkard, every day I was beaten. my marriage had never been a good one. Then I got three children, and he left me. I had to take care of my children. My life is a hell "

I was shocked after hearing her story. I could not imagine what to tell her. Then I thought,if she had accepted my love then the story would have been different.

“I don’t know what to say… I feel very sorry abo ut you, but if you had accepted my love, when I proposed you, we could have been happy today”. Why… why did you reject my love over and over Jennifer? When you rejected me, I wanted to kill myself, but you didn’t know that. You never knew how much you meant to me.

She just smiled innocently and didn’t tell anything.

“Jennifer…please tell me why didn’t you accept my love? At least tell me now… please”

“I loved you Chris, more than my life… I loved you, I swear to god I loved you so much” Oh god please help me” she began to sob.

I couldn’t control myself and ran towards her to embrace her tightly.

“Then why didn’t you tell me Jennifer? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“If I told that I loved you, Chris you would never be the person who you are now”

“What do you mean Jennifer, who am I now?” What’s the difference? I don’t know, what are you talking”

“Chris… first it was not a love, when I was with Richard. I noticed you so many times. I understood how poor you were and how much you struggled to study & to live. I knew most of the time, you didn’t eat, you drank only water. I felt very sorry for you. Then one day I came to you and gave the sandwiches. You remember?”

“Yes…yes…I remember…just like yesterday”.

“So…day by day I felt that you were a really good person, and at the same time I felt Richard was a moron, he had enough money to spend. He didn’t love me either; he wanted me as a toy”. One day, he dumped me. I knew that he was going to leave me one day or other. After that I was close to you more and more to you. You also cared about me. When time passed, without knowing, I was falling in love with you. I knew that you were going to propose me one day. I was counting for days to reply you.... Saying "I love you too, Chris”. But remember... one day I went to your home?”

“Yes…I was not at home but my mother was”


“Yes…I met your mother there, she was a good woman, she asked me to come in to your home and we were talking for hours. That day, I realized how poor you were, it was only a room not a house, there was not even a bed, there were only two chairs. She told me how you meant for her, she told me how your family was living. She told me that you were the only hope for your family. She told me that if you were well educated, you would have a good job, then you would become a wealthy person. She dreamt you so high. She knew that you had an ability to become a rich person.

“OK…so why did you leave me? What’s the point?

“Chris…I know that you are such a good person and a sensitive person, if I had fallen in love with you, you would never study well, I saw it sometimes. When you were close to me, you ignored the studies. If you didn’t do your studies well, you would never become the person who you are now. So, I thought if I left you, your mother’s dream might come true. When I was coming back from your home, I cried a lot, I sighed for many days. but I decided to leave you on behalf of your succes. After three weeks of time, you asked me our, as I hope. Chris forgive me Chris…I loved you so much Chris, that’s why I rejected your love"

She began to cry like a little girl....

"Chris....if I loved myself, than you, I might have accepted your love. But, I loved you more than myself Chris, that’s why I rejected your love”

“Oh…God Jennifer, what are you telling me”. I don’t care this life or money. Jennifer…I wanted to be with you. I’m so sorry, I studied so hard because, I wanted to get revenge from you. I thought you left me because of my poverty. Please forgive me!!! ”

“It’s OK Chris, this is my fate, I never regret my life, but the love I had for you made the man who you are now. I’m happy about you my love...".


By Manu Fernando

Pour toi Mon Amour ( For you My Love )

Pour Toi Mon Amour 

par Jacques Prévert

Je suis allé au marché aux oiseaux
Et j’ai acheté des oiseaux
Pour toi
Mon amour

I went to the bird market

And I bought birds

For you

My Love

Je suis allé au marché aux fleurs

Et j’ai acheté des fleurs
Pour toi
Mon amour

I went to the flower market

And I bought  flowers

For you

My Love

Je suis allé au marché à la ferraille
Et j’ai acheté des chaînes
De lourdes chaînes
Pour toi
Mon amour

I went to the metal market

And I bought chains

Very heavy chains

For you

My Love

Et je suis allé au marché aux esclaves
Et je t’ai cherchée
Mais je ne t’ai pas trouvée
Mon amour

Then I went to the slave market

And I searched for you

But, I could not find 

You

My Love

Translated by Jahooli Devi

Somebody wants you!

Somebody wants you badly,

Somebody needs you badly,

Somebody dreams about you,

Every single sleepless night,

Somebody goes crazy,

Without talking with you,

Somebody can't breathe,

Without thinking about you,

Somebody feels so lonely,

Without you beside,

Somebody hopes & hopes

You’ll see somebody’s heart 

someday.

Oh…That somebody is me.

By Manu Fernando

Are you in the right relationship with the right person?

When someone falling in love, they never expect it to fail. You get in to a relationship with great expectations on love filled with hopes & promises. But, as you can see out there, all the relationships are not going all right. Some exist for the sake of a relationship.

Sometimes, you may know that this is not going to work, but still you want it, so…you justify any crazy thing your partner does and try to stay cool hanging on to the relationship with a lot of expectations. At some point, this may work for few days and again you suffer as the same before.

What do you feel in your relationship? Are you happy with it, or unhappy? 
Here are few signs that can help you to understand whether it's worth to hold on or just let it go, rather than hurting yourself.

# The connection – You never know why your relationship is going on. There is no romance, both live in separate worlds. No one knows what the other is doing. Both just exist. Even you also wonder  “What the heck I’m doing?, Is this a relationship ?”

# Hurting – You feel hurt, even when he talks you get hurt, even he doesn’t, you get hurt. Sometimes you don’t know why you are hurt exactly. Or you are hurting yourself, thinking about him, so deeply.

# No future – Perhaps your relationship is great, both of you love each other in good manner. But when you are all alone, you may feel…what is the future of this relationship? You cannot see any future for this. And you may feel, at any moment, this relationship would collapse.

# Togetherness –  Your partner doesn’t pay good attention to your day to day life. He or she may not be actively engaged in day to day life. Even, when you need them to be involved in some of your events , they don’t to do so. 

# Physical attraction – Sometimes, you can’t remember the last day  that you made love to your partner. In the bedroom, when you want to be romantic, your partner may prefer to turn aside and fall a sleep. 

# Trust –  No more trust, you or your partner doesn’t trust each other. There may be valid reasons for this. But rather than discussing these issues, still you carry the relationship with the suspicious minds. 

# Different lives – There may be not any meaningful conversation between you two. There is no special thing to discuss, or any topics that lead to another topic, and conversation is not interesting any more. It’s because, you don’t have any common values, ideas or desires, or any common expectations with your partner... Simply both of you live in different lives.

# Endless fights – Mostly you may argue with your partner for an issue. Then, again both of you, had enough of the fight and, calm down. And then think everything is cool. But in few days, again the same fight or argument starts for very same issue. If the same issue stagnates in your lives and fighting  continues, is there any good for long term?  
 

# Impressing – Your partner is pleasing other people to impress them and win their hearts. But he or she never does any of this to you to make you happy.

# Fault finders – Your partner always think that you are not good enough for them. Always finding, even tiny faults of yours and scolding at you. And your partner breaks your mind each and every day with it. And they are expecting you to change for them, because you have many faults (Fake or very tiny) and you are not good enough for them.

# Manipulating your love - Your partner may get your love and caresses for advantages. Your partner may know that you never leave them. And they do what they want to do without thinking about your feelings. Even when you suffer upon what they do, they will do that, because they know you don’t leave them.  

# Company is not joyful – When both of you together, you may feel uncomfortable. Sometime you may feel it’s boring and rather good to be with your friends.

# No respect at all – Your partner is paying enough respect for you? And do you do the same for him or for her? It’s not just because of your partner, but for their individualities? Respect will play a major role in a relationship. But remember respect is not love.  

# Insecure personalities - People who are having insecure personalities never confront their partner. Instead of confronting you, they try to point out your faults (fake) and try to make guilty situation in your mind of what you are doing.

# Holding something? – You are in the relationship, because both of you want to carry some baggage, bond or something? And upon that you think, happiness will come in near future? 

Honestly…how many signs of above, that you can see in your relationship? 
How many of these signs are totally applicable to you? 
Now…you have to decide what to do!

By Manu Fernando.