Sweet misery

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I like her, I really like her. It’s not because of her beauty, her social status, her professional achievements or her education. I just like her… Perhaps, I may love her too. Yes…I love her.

“Do I love her?”

Yeah I love her, what the heck? I love her.

But it’s not the kind of love to obtain from one day. But to spend days with her, walk with her; hike with her, run with her or swim with her. In short, share my feelings with her. If I’m not gonna have her, why should I love her? May be I need her? Need? This is confusing.  Perhaps I want her. May be both.

She may never know the feelings I got for her. I know this may be crazy.  

Crazy? Yes…people define things as “normal” and frame it, If one does something beyond the defined frame; may be something extraordinary, people may say that person is “Crazy”. Upon that definition….So yes I’m crazy. I do some things beyond the normal. But that craziness I made up by the way that I feel. So still I’m crazy. I don’t care. Because I feel it. since I sense the craziness, Oh...that's fine.

In another way its kind a feeling that, I’m stuck with her and I’m digging deep in her to find my own grave there, when she ignores me . I don’t want to escape from this sweet misery either, maybe I love this.  I spend every day with an expectation, though it burns me alive. Because I know the pain it causes, makes me alive, and that pain realizes me, that I’m alive. that is the good point.

Generally, she doesn’t give me a damn. She does things pretending that I don't exist. Something no sense at all, no calls for days, not even one single loveable word. 

Then I wonder :

“She is fooling around with me, why don’t I realize the situation and let myself go away from her?

Yes...Maybe I should show her that me too could live without her. I must not call her again, I won’t send any text messages to her again. I go off line in skype, viber or wherever. I deleted her name in the contacts list. Will not spend a dime on her again. I thanked to myself, finally I realized the reality. So again I’m free. No more hard feelings, yeah I was locking up in my own prison. What a tragic? Oh yes. I’m a wise man. I can’t let that girl to treat me like this. I’m not her servant. Especially I’m not a going to be a love beggar for licking her foot steps. I got my own individuality, my own way; I can’t betray those upon her. Now I can sleep really well. I can eat well. "

All the friends are telling me,

“Man…you look great nowadays, How cheerful you are, do share the secret!”. 

Yeah they are right, I got my food appetite back, I go to the gym right on time.  I meet my old friends who used to have chat while sipping a beer in the restaurants on Friday nights. No more sleepless sweaty nights. Yeah tables have turned. The torturous love was over. Now I sleep well. Anyway, I’m pretending that she is still around me. If I’m not doing so, people may say I’m the devil here. 

A new day, feel so good. What I’m going to do, today? Perhaps going to watch a movie; I saw a nice scientific movie on the notice board at the city cinema. no more crazy, stupid childish romantic movies. I should book a ticket on-line now. Where is my smart device? Here it is.

Suddenly my smart piece got a text message from a very familiar number.

“Hi…honey… What is going on? I was really busy last days. Can you come and meet me today? Same old place and same time? Will you? I can’t wait to meet ya! Ahh..I've got something special for ya..And yeah…I love ya…mmmaa”

Oh…no…here it is happening again. She thinks about me. How can I let you go away…coz I love you.

Here my heart is melting again. Now where is the wise part of the brain? What happened to that? Oh poor me. How can I resist this? Few divine words from her were enough to melt my strong will power. That’s how her magic spell works on me. I must meet you up today. 

Here comes my sweet misery again!


By Manu Fernando