Monday, May 12, 2014

Perfectly In Love !


I decided to go to a Love Doctor with a certain pride. 

Love Doctor :  Yes, miss, How may I help you?

I :  Help? Oh, Doctor, I did not come to ask for any help.

Love Doctor : OK, I understand. Then, what's your problem?

I : I don't have any problem, Doctor

Love Doctor : Then, what are you doing here?

I :  Ah, I almost forgot. I came to confess something.

Love Doctor : ( she must have thought that I was a priest! ), Here I am, I listen.

I : I am in a perfect love relationship, I am the happiest on the earth. Nobody believes it ! Can you believe me?

Love Doctor : It seems to me that you are in a great trouble. What? You have a perfect love? I won't believe a word of it! 

I : (He is too proud to admit it! ) Doctor, When I say I am in love with the perfect lover in this world, you have to believe. Why don't you?

Love Doctor:  It is not possible! Absolutely, not possible. Anyone who visit me has some sort of a problem. You surely have love problems, Let me kindly help you.

I : No, thank you Doctor, I said I just came to make this declaration,  I am the happiest lover on earth, would you please note it down?

Love doctor : This is remarkable, I don't trust your words at all. Everyone has problems in love, if you don't have any, then you are not in love! Simple as that. Let me verify whether you are in love or not.

I:  Are you going to scan my brain? Trust my words, Doctor, I am one of a kind!

Love doctor:  I would scan it later, for the moment, I want to be 100% sure whether you are in love. Tell me, are you honestly in love?

I : Yes, Doctor, I am honestly in love

Love Doctor : How honest you are actually?

I:  As long as he is honest, Doctor.

Love Doctor:  Do you always think about him?

I :  Yes, Doctor, when I wake up, I think about him, When I sleep I think about him.

Love Doctor : Perfect answer. Do you breathe properly when he is around?

I : No Doctor, he has to give me Oxygen

Love Doctor : That's a good sign too. Do you feel like you are having butterflies in your stomach?

I: Rather cockroaches, Doctor

Love Doctor : How is his behaviour when he is with you?

I : He blinks, Doctor, Yes, he blinked. Then his pulse is also working Doctor.

Love Doctor : Do you always think that he is the man for you?

I : I don't think so, Doctor.

Love Doctor: What? You don't think he is the man for you?

I : Someone else said like that Doctor, a close friend!  But, I always think he is the man for me, Doctor.

Love doctor:  Now, I am intrigued. Obviously, there is something wrong here, Please tell me this. Does he love you, your boyfriend?

I : Of course, Doctor, He is madly in love with me!

Love Doctor:  How do you say it missy?

I : How do you say he is not, Doctor?

Love Doctor : How madly he is in love with you?

I : I would say to the point where he wishes not to see me any more Doctor.

Love Doctor:  Does he take care of you every day?

I : Not at all, Doctor

Love Doctor:  Seriously? How often does he call you?

I : He never calls me, Doctor

Love Doctor : Very serious! Atleast a SMS?

I : What is SMS, Doctor?

Love doctor : It is a short message service for lovers.

I : Is that so? Should not it be then SMSL . I don't think he knows it doctor , because I also don't know it.

Love Doctor. This is a very curious case that I came across in my entire profession. Does he come to meet you every day?

I : Like three times a year, Doctor. I think it is way too much, two times per year was the pre- planned frequency.

Love Doctor:  Mademoiselle, you are telling me , he comes to see you three times a year, your lover & then he does not call you or text you, I understand he seems to be bit old fashioned, he must be writing long letters to you then, ha?

I : Not a word, Doctor

Love Doctor : You must be joking, miss, how does he contact you ?

I : He does not contact me me at all, Doctor.

Love Doctor: Then, how do you know that he loves you?

I : He told me once, Doctor

Love Doctor : He told you only once?

I : Yes, Doctor, he told me once. Why?

Love Doctor : You mean he said it by his own words, he loves you?

I : Yes,doctor, I don't lie. He told me that he loved me when I asked for it.

Love Doctor : I see, you had to ask for it? You had to ask whether he loved you or not.  How pathetic it is!

I : Pathetic? How do we get a glass of water if we don't ask it, Doctor?

Love Doctor: This is not water, Lady. This is Love. It should come naturally

I:  I thought water was natural too!

Love Doctor:  By the way, did he give you any roses for this Valentine's day?

I : I was so happy, when he gave me  a bunch of Yellow Mimosa in April. I still feel so happy.

Love Doctor: Yellow Mimosa in April? Who cares Yellow Mimosa? I asked you whether he gave you Red roses in February?

I:  Doctor, you ask stupid questions too. I told you once he gave Yellow mimosa in April.

Love Doctor: What a pity! Not a single Red rose! In April too, huh, After two months from February! He is not in love, accept it, lovely lady

I: What a pity Doctor, when I tell you that he gave me flowers with so much love & you don't seem to understand.

Love Doctor: Who cares Yellow, It should be Red.

I : Ok Doctor, next time I will ask for Red Mimosas, if he can find any!

Love Doctor: I think I am finding the causes of your problem now. Let me verify more.

I : Again, there is no problem here, I just came to say I am perfectly in Love. I think Doctor, you are making me angry a bit & going in the wrong track.

Love Doctor : When one is in a problem, they can not see it , that's why we do this profession. Let me enlighten you.

I : Oh, No thanks doctor. I am already illuminated, I don't think you can do much there!

Love Doctor: Do you at least feel that he is your missing soul?

I: How unkind you are to compare my darling to my missing sole, doctor?

Love Doctor : Ok, I need more precisions. I am digging in to your personal life.  How often he kisses you?

I : When he comes to meet me three times a year, he comes to meet me from 14 to 16 PM. At 14.01 he kisses me, and then at 15.59 he kisses me. He is very methodical & punctual.

Love Doctor: This is inhuman, it means he kisses you only two minutes?

I : You are wrong again, Doctor, two in to three, he kisses me for 6 minutes, per year.  Is n't it great?

Love Doctor: Tragic. what may be the cause for that?

I: I don't think there is a cause for that, simply he wants his moustache to be in order.

Love Doctor: You say, he kisses you a bit because you mess with his moustache? Does he love it more than you?

I: Of course, Doctor, I highly appreciate it, one should take care of one's body parts to the maximum. It grows everyday, I absolutely love it.

Love Doctor: I have never seen such a man in my whole life that he does not like to kiss his girl friend because of a moustache.

I: I think you lack experience, Doctor.  That's why I came to give you a record of our love!

Love Doctor:  Does he call you by sweet names? like My strawberry, My sweetheart or My darling

I:  Of course, he always call me My pain. I think he feels it deeply!

Love Doctor: You & your boy friend both need treatment!

I: For what doctor?

Love doctor : To have a better relationship.

I:  When we are in the best relationship, you still offer us treatments. ( I don't understand these doctors, always try to give us treatments for simple issues)

Love Doctor : Tell, me this finally, Are you two going to get married?

I : How do I know doctor?

Love doctor :  How do you know? Did not he ask to marry you?

I: He does not talk much Doctor, may be I should ask it from him, next time he comes.

Love doctor: Are you out of your mind? You should never ask a man to marry him, you should patiently wait till he asks you?

I : Oh, I did not know that Doctor. Does it mean I should throw away the ring I bought for him? I am planning to propose him when he comes next time, as soon he kisses me at 14.01 PM!

Love Doctor: Do not ever be that cheap!

I:  cheap? I thought it was the best surprise ever I could give him. He would smile like a child. By the way, I think he already proposed me!

Love Doctor : That's hilarious! How?

I : He gave me a bracelet, Doctor

Love Doctor : So?

I : He gave me a bracelet & he put it in my hand, Doctor

Love Doctor : It does not count at all, Senorita

I : Why?

Love Doctor : It has to be a ring, not a bracelet!

I : But, my fingers go numb, when I wear a ring, Doctor

Love Doctor : Then, you will never be able to get married! I am sorry. 

I : That's a pity, Doctor because I thought all jewellery is same.

Love Doctor: I think you need severe treatment for one side love.

I:  Doctor, you are seriously mistaken , this is two side love, I love him & he loves me.

Love Doctor: How can you tell it exactly that he loves you?

I: Do I have to know it exactly, Doctor?

Love Doctor : I think he has other women, be careful, he is a player.

I: Yes, he plays a guitar, he is excellent in that.

Love Doctor: I am telling you that he is playing with women, Take my word!

I: It's so adorable then, I like to see see him playing with ladies.

Love Doctor : I guessed it so, do you have any proofs.

I : I can't be bothered to Doctor, but I found some small packets inside his bag that can be blown up.

Love Doctor: Ah!

I: That's why I thought he is having balloon parties with ladies, Doctor. Cute!

Love doctor: You must be a player too.

I : I don't play or sing, I only like to sleep Doctor!

Love Doctor : Good for you , atleast to sleep.

I:  Yes, Doctor, I have a large bed for two, you know, Doctor

Love Doctor : This is unacceptable. You two are hopeless. What do you do to be in love?

I: Nothing, Doctor

Love doctor. He?

I : Nothing at all, doctor

Love doctor : You?

I: Nothing at all, Doctor.

Love Doctor: Why, you like him?

I:  Because he does not do anything harmful to me, Doctor

Love Doctor : Why do you think, he loves you?

I : Because, he never showed any signs of hatred, Doctor.

Love Doctor: Are you sure you are happy with him? I can't see Fifteen Signs of love.

I : I strongly think that I am happily in Love, Doctor. But, why fifteen Doctor?

Love Doctor: Did you atleast read a single article about how to find a perfect man? Fifteen signs, ten things to do, eleven things not to do, twenty one things to observe...

I : Where, Doctor?

Love Doctor:  Where? In Google, where else!  If you never paid any attention to it, you are never going to find the perfect man in your life.

I: I don't know what you are talking about Doctor, I don't know what Google is even, is it like the Bible?

Love Doctor: My god, you need to be updated in love, it is the trend. What's your Face Book relationship status, by the way?

I:  What's Face Book Doctor?  I can try to find it in the library if you tell me the author?

Love Doctor: You are a total failure, your relationship is a failure, you say you have not updated your status to "In a relationship"  in Face book.  Now you come here asking me to write down your perfect love! First, go & update it., if not it is not valid your love any more.

I: I never thought about it , Doctor. I will try my best to update if the librarian would give me the permission to do so.

Love Doctor: How do you express your love, normally?

I : I write love poetry, Doctor.

Love Doctor: Ah, it is a very good way to express love, do tell me how would you describe your sweet heart?

I:  Oh, Darling I love you to pieces
    Oh Darling, I wait for you like  Tsunami
    Oh Darling, I miss you like the sanitary napkins
    Oh Darling, you are like the roasted chicken, 
    finger licking good, Yum, Yum!

Love Doctor:  Stop, Stop . I don't think it's very appropriate vocabulary for love. You should be describing him in a more romantic way.  Did he ever write poetry?

I: Of course, he did, Doctor, he said I am like his farts. Farts reminds him of me, I don't know which comes first.

Love Doctor: Smelling love, it seems! Is it the only way he expresses himself?

I: No , Doctor, when I pinch him, he said Ouch, Yes, he said Ouch, to be sure & asked why I did so, Doctor

Love Doctor : Love is sharing happiness & sadness too, it is fundamental, do you at least share?

I : Of course, we do share, Doctor

Love Doctor: How? 

I : When I am happy, I think about him & write it, whenever he is happy, he goes to the bathroom. He confessed me!
Love Doctor : I don't understand at all.  Then, when you are sad?

I: When I am sad, I cry a bit  because it is not good to freeze tear glands.  When ever, he is sad, he goes swimming in the sea, Doctor.

Love Doctor: But where is sharing there?

I:  Did not I share that piece of information with you, Doctor that he shared with me? By the way , we do share the same cake , when we eat, I half, he half

Love Doctor: That's not enough at all, you should be sharing your daily life.

I: Oh I am tired Doctor, I can't talk everyday, besides he does not have things to tell me every day too. I can't be asking whether he took his breakfast, lunch & dinner because I know he would take them.

Love Doctor: What do you have in common with him?

I:  He is a man, I am a woman! What can possibly be in common in us? Genital hair?

Love Doctor: Take my word, you two are not in love! What a waste of time!

I: How do you say, Doctor?

Love Doctor : Because, it does not look like Love

I: How does love look like, Doctor?

Love Doctor:  Well, Look at happy couples who is in the arms of each other, whispering to ears, walking in the sandy beaches? That's Love

I:  Are you sure, Doctor? Who told you that?

Love Doctor: It is the perfect Love, everyone says it.

I: Just because everyone says it , do you believe it, Doctor?

Love Doctor:  ( This woman is annoying! ) Of course, I do. You two are not in Love, but others Are in Love. 

I: This is tragic, Doctor, when I come here happily with so much expectations to tell you that I am in the prefect relationship, you take me for granted. How absurd your profession is! Which medical book said that lovers on the beach are the perfect lovers?

Love Doctor :  That's how things are!

I : Do you give love treatments by looking at things?

Love Doctor: I am sorry, you are not in Love, accept it, if not I give you an injection.

I:  I am sorry, you are sadly mistaken. 

Love Doctor: Who are you to challenge me? I am in this profession for thirty years! I have met many love stricken ladies like you. You are not in the prefect relationship, It is proved here.

I : ( What a lunatic he is! ) Do you at least have a girl friend, Doctor? I mean , did you ever date a woman?

Love Doctor: Well, why not, I am perfectly in love too, unlike you. I have two of them!

I : You mean girl friends?

Love Doctor: Of course, two of them to whom I give 6 roses each, 12 Red roses, on Valentines' day.

I : exceptionally, in love! Doctor. How many calls & SMS?

Love Doctor: I have got an  unlimited package! Specially designed for lovers at night time.

I: Do you express enough, doctor?

Love doctor : Of course, once in every two weeks! Shared & cared.

I : Did you update Face book?

Love Doctor: Of course, it says Complicated!

I:  Do you care a lot?

Love Doctor : Of course, I just ordered Pearl Necklace for number 1 & then Weighing scale for the other.

I : You must be having a lot in common with them, ha?

Love Doctor: Almost same interests, what Mathilde does not have, Anne- Marie has! Balanced.

I :  I see, Which one you want to marry, then?

Love Doctor: Oh, Miss Falsely-in-Love,  I am happily married to the perfect woman with two kids too!

By Jahooli Devi

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