Thursday, April 17, 2014

Extra(ordinary) story of EX


Ex is a very common word these days. If you don't have an Ex, your life is a boring one! People prefer to call Ex as "MY" ex. I wondered...

My Ex should not be called My Ex because the word My implies everything that is mine. If I choose to deny wholeheartedly today what Was mine earlier, there is no logic in using the word MY again to refer that creature. My Ex should not be called My ex at any cost for the simple reason that I don't wish to carry any of his memories, so he should be The Ex like all the Exes I had. It is been so long that I watched X-men on the Big screen & I am not so fond of any of those Thrillers. Movie heros have long been expired from my heart rather I , myself have voluntarily extinguished those extraordinary flames which burnt me from time to time. Therefore, If I ever use My in front of the word Ex I better get a X-ray of my brain as soon as possible if I can really locate the exact place of that organ in my body because I highly doubt the existence of it after examining my behaviour up to the present.

I always wondered at the word Ex, because whoever invented that word should be given a trophy because I can't find any other suitable word to venerate those "extremely" adorable creatures on this Earth, as I still don't have much experiences with the ones from Mars, even though once a Man asked me to go to Mars which I rejected week heartedly considering the long expedition.

By the way, let me give you examples from my life & from my general observation after talking to many heart-broken ladies who keep on reminiscing the exultant affairs they had over the years. I have had couple of exes & to my extreme surprise they all wanted only one thing from me which I rejected vehemently giving excuses, which made them so exasperated. So, among those exceptional cases, I chose one extraordinary "six-packed", after going a through a X- factor session in my heart. Like all the reality shows, I was also dead wrong. 

Exactly, five years ago, when I met this Ex, by then not the Ex, I was exceedingly exhilarated about the excellent man I met & was excessively obsessed with him. This exaltation lasted for a while & the excitement was in a really high level that the excessive heart beat was indeed a great threat to my health while I had a really had time facing exams at the university. I only existed for his happiness then gradually, I excluded the normal world & exiled myself to his extra terrestrial land with lot of expectations. The existence was all full of roses with hidden thrones. Thus, the love expanded day by day, the exercises & the experiments were carried on & I was on my way to become an expert in a certain subject while we explored what should not be exposed in public places in an explicit manner. With out any prior expectations, I used to get really expensive gifts, day by day his expenditure went high & I was encouraging this exorbitant expedition of Love, as one may call it. 

Yet, I was kind of doubtful about this extravaganza from the beginning even though I enjoyed every bit of it. In his extremist behaviour, I got scolded million times & he gave the full stop to my extra curricular activities & always kept me in the exclusion zone for the simple fact that his head was retarded due to the Othello syndrome. Time passed by, till the day I had an explosion in my head after reading an excerpt from one of his e-mails which I broke in to secretly using hacking explosives because my extra sensory perception was kept telling me something was going wrong. After a careful exegesis, Exclamation Marks flashed around my head & I wanted to execute his head at once with an axe. It was not explicit the content so I wanted further explanation of the exhibition of his excrete show. So, I exchnaged a word with him. I was ready to listen to any excuses of this Executive even though it was so excruciating.

Then, the real extravaganza began. When exclaimed the meaning of his mail, he explained quite calmly that his Matrimony has already taken place with another exquisite while I was sitting for exams & was exhausted after preparing exposés on existentialism and ex cetera while I had no idea this man has already had gone his honey moon excursion & now only I was given the invitation to take part in the extra marital activities exempting me from the institution of merry-age just to create an extended family! Two wives not a bad idea! Humbled by such an honour from this greatest Excellency & I with a proven record of extemporised behaviour up to present willingly accepted this extension because I was exorcised by such a thing called Love expecting him to get a divorce as soon as possible, thinking extremely illogically even though I had the fear of getting ex-communicated from my family. No exception, History repeats! While he dragged on the subject making me exhausted day by day I decided to leave my exotic land because exoticism was too much to bear.

When time passed by ,I completely expelled him from my heart by using the newly purchased "exfoliation" which I find exceedingly adorable. I exhaled his smell from my nostrils, deleted all the texts in the phone & buried up all these execrable memories in the deep pits of excrement that no excavator can ever find and exhumed completely. I only remember his face when I nobly excrete with sweaty efforts inside toilet.

I am so tired of EX, so as the word EX, are not they everywhere? 
Even in a story?

By Jahooli Devi

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